Funny Clean Jokes !

Hello and welcome to my new section! The Jokes section. =) Here you will find some jokes that I find to be funny, nice, cute, amusing, and
hilarious, all at the same time. These jokes are probably not the best in the world, but I bet you didn’t expect
that anyway. Without no further delay , here come the jokes! :

Heard at the medical department

– You are life-threatening sick, the doctor tells the patient.

– Can I get a second opinion?

– Yeah, you are ugly also!
——————————–

Nice Vacation

– How was you vacation?

– It sucked, it constantly rained!

– But you have gotten a nice tan.

– Its rust!
——————————–

Alien abduction

When aliens are clever enough to travel many light-years thru space to get to earth, why do they always abduct the stupidest people?
——————————–

The Hot Tub

What happens when a human gets into a hot tub filled with water?
The doorbell rings!
——————————–

The way of life

When we grow up we learn to talk and walk, but once we get to school, we have to shut up and be quiet!
——————————–

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Lets be honest
English is a quite stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
——————————–

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